Makayla Payne

Have you ever experienced the love of God flowing around you?

For those of you who don’t know me, I spend most of my time studying or reading some type of book. I love taking time to myself and going to different bookstores just to prop my fuzzy socks up on a couch to read a good book.

I also love Sundays and everything about them.

So this Sunday I walked into one of my favorite bookstores with my sweatpants on and sat down on an empty couch. I kept hearing a clicking sound, which was getting on my nerves. I looked up feeling angry that someone kept making this sound in my favorite place, but my eyes met a small elderly woman who was walking with her cane towards my couch. Instantly, I felt horrible because I had just let my heart fill with so much anger over something that was not that serious.

The woman asked if she could have a seat on my couch beside me. I felt pretty uncomfortable, but I couldn’t tell her no (my mom raised me better than that). I continued to read my book, and the lady peeked up from her book randomly & asked if I was lonely. I looked at her pretty confused, and I told her I wasn’t, and I explained I was just by myself because this was the place I found solace away from school. She just nodded at me, and she kept reading her book.

At this point, I was ready to run out of the store because I could tell she was not done asking me questions. After a few minutes of silence between us, she peeked up again, and she asked me my name and how I felt about brokenness. I was stunned. I didn’t even know this woman, and she was asking me about the brokenness in my life. She could’ve simply asked what book I was reading right?

I answered by telling her that my name was Makayla, and brokenness was just apart of who I was, but without brokenness I wouldn’t know fulfillment.

She looked at me with tears welling up in her eyes (I thought I had messed up big time), and she told me that her husband had passed away three years ago, and they would spend their Sundays at this bookstore, and I had chosen to sit on their couch. I was speechless.

Before I could even get any words out, she kept talking & explaining that she was more familiar with brokenness than she had ever wanted to be, and that the loneliness in this world was more than she could handle at times. But she told me one thing she would never forget about her husband was the way he was so intentional about his pursuit for the heart of God. He was never a man of just going by the check list. He trained himself in godliness, and he aimed every day to grasp the love of Christ. It took her two years to learn that the only way to cope with a loss this great was by carrying her brokenness to the greatest Author of fulfillment.

At that point the tears were flowing, and I was a complete mess. I was unsure what to say to this woman. I’m just a 20 year who struggles with college, lack of sleep, and acne, and she had just professed her emotions to me about one of her greatest tragedies?

She looked at me and smiled, but then pulled me in for a hug. She whispered in my ear, “there’s joy in the morning,” and she got up and walked away.

I was left sitting there feeling lost and confused. What had made this woman approach me and tell her me her path to overcoming brokenness. I looked around wondering if anyone else had even noticed our encounter, but everyone around me was unmoved. I had decided just to buy the book I was reading where I could head back to school. I got in line, and I overheard the cashier ask the family in front of me if any of them were named Makayla. My day just kept getting even stranger. After they answered no, I stepped up to the register, and I told her I was Makayla.

She pulled out a book that was bagged & explained a lady had bought the book and asked it be given to me. I started crying again (typical Makayla move), and I explained to her I had no idea who this woman was, and how she had approached me while I was sitting on the couch. The woman asked me where I had been sitting, and we walked back to the area, and I noticed a sign sitting near the couch.

It read “Come all who are lonely or broken, and find refuge in the Father’s goodness.” Once again I was speechless. The cashier asked if I saw the woman who I had been talking to, but it did not even matter because she was gone. I walked to the front, collected the bag that she had left for me, and I went to sit in my car.

I opened the bag, and the book Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely was in my hands. And if you guessed that I started crying again, you were right.

So here’s what I am going to tell you if you reached this point in my story: I needed this book, I needed that woman, and I needed more of Jesus. And let me tell you we are destined for a Love that can never be diminished, tarnished, shaken, or taken. We have a love in God that does not reject or uninvite. Life teaches us to despise or replace things that are broken, and unfortunately, that means doing the same thing with people. We unconsciously toss them away. But I want to say that after everything that happened in the bookstore, it is so important to embrace our brokenness, and come to a place where we can exchange it for the wholeness we find in Jesus.

I am thankful that God keeps finding me and using me to share things like this because he has been waiting for me to truly see how broken I am so that he can receive my love and adoration & teach me how to receive his love to full capacity. Brokenness leads us to the foot of the cross, but sometimes it just takes the love of an elderly lady in the bookstore to give us the extra push. & I pray that we are all able to love Jesus, people, and the things in this world & be intentional in that pursuit.